I’m getting practice at the start of this journey in going with the flow. I read this morning in Women Who Run with the Wolves that “if we were to name only one thing that makes the Wild Woman what she is, it would be her responsiveness.” Explained further this is the ability to adapt to change, being innovative, flexible, quick-sighted. I’m not sure if I am very good at this, but by the end of my trip I should be a master! Yesterday I went to get in my car and found the back-end bashed in two places. The trunk has an 8 inch dented crease and there is a 5 inch hole punched through the bumper. I should mention that this is the THIRD time in one year that I have had my car anonymously hit when parked, and I’m not talking door dings here, but $1500+ damages each time. I have been on the phone filing a police report, and talking with the insurance people, and wondering why this throws my world off-kilter. Yes, it’s an inconvenience, an unexpected expense, but there’s something also about the inhumanity of people that would do something like that and drive away. It’s not easy to take responsibility, admit your faults and take the consequences, I get that, really I do. But even though I’ve done nothing wrong, I feel insecure and want to defend myself when talking to police and insurance people, as though I have something to be ashamed of. Ridiculous! I am apologizing for being a victim! Yikes, this goes deep and I recognize a pattern from other areas of my life. Saying sorry, when there’s nothing to be sorry for, rather than having the strength to growl, howl, and dance with confidence through life. And also to be completely honest, I admit it is humbling for me to drive around with a battered car. I will get a daily reminder to kill my pride and not put confidence in outward appearances but in things that really matter like daughters, nature, and breathing deep. Maybe this trip really is about repairing all the damaged parts of myself, not just stripping off the paint, hammering out the dents and putting on a shiny, new coat, but ordering new parts and completely replacing whole sections. My car and I will be going through similar renovations.
This has happened to my car more than once. At first I was very upset. Later, when I realized that I had no money to fix it, and my insurance did not cover it, I just said: “It’s only a car. It still gets me where I want to go. Who cares what it looks like on the outside – I don’t see that when I’m driving.
Have fun storming the castle, Lori.
Thank you, Mary, I look forward to seeing you along the way!